This is the end of the line...
I know you hate good byes as much as I do

It has definentely been one of those years as all of you know, from divorce to guys, to life in general. But just in case any of you had any doubts, yes i am still here, and thriving. Since my last post, i have started my new job, had interesting new and old encounters, and am now but days away from starting a life on my own- away from internet.

Life has had it's ups and downs, but they are experiences, no matter how bad, that i would never give up. It is from these expereinces that i have learned and gained a new understanding of the world around me, and have made me into who i am today. Regret nothing, learn from everything.

So with a tear in my eye I leave this blog behind closed ending this part of my life, as i open to a new chapter continuing the cycle to This thing called life...

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
I got a Job!

I got a phone call yesterday from Ron (manager of Mount Hood Medical Center Admitting), and he told me I was hired! Yay! Joy! Rapture! I start training next week, which is really exciting, and of course since this is an office environment, I need to go shopping for clothes. *snaps fingers*

I wanted to surprise everyone in admitting on wednesday when i came in my uniform, and new badge, but patrick called me last night and shot my plan out of the sky. He congratualated me, and after i asked if every one knew, he said of course they did. This is a foreign concept to me because at my old job new employees just showed up, we were never warned. I told him my little plan of surprise, but he said that's ain't happening, and that there was no way this secret would be kept for a week.

It's so bright at the end of the tunnel...*knocks on wood*

Sleep...Beautiful Sleep...

I finally got a full nights sleep the other night. I felt so refreshed. Unfortunately i wasn't as lucky last night. Oh well, I still got more sleep than usual last night.

It looks like I am going down to Miami this summer to go see my family. Two weeks of rest in the sun. I'll probably be as red as a cherry by the time I get back, but it'll be worth it. I miss my family so much, and I miss El Cios to (the Keys).

Oh, sorry for my deformed Blog. I am currently trying to figure out this new messed up template. It is so difficult to opperate. If you haven't noticed I am not the computer person.

On another positive note. Mom is heading out of town for the weekend...heheheh. Therefore i have the whole place to my self. Tomorrow, I'm going to cruise down to Oniatah Gorge after volunteering and I am going to take a hike. It'll be soothing.

The little light at the end of my tunnel may come back after all...

And a Time to Every Purpose Under Heaven...
-Turn! Turn Turn! by the Byrds

Life has been getting harder and harder lately. I just found out that I didn't get into Radiography, just like I had a feeling I wouldn't. I placed 91 out of 229 (originally 260). I am going to try one more time next year, but then I am going to move on, and find another way to live.

I am still hoping on some really thin strings right now that I will get into the Legacy Mount Hood Medical Center. I still don't know what's going on, and I am turing in another application for two more jobs.

I feel so tired and worn...

Some R&R
did you hear that...i didn't think so

After a really busy week, I am finally going to get some well deserved R&R. Brad you would be proud of me :)

It has been one of those up and down, turn me up side down and inside out rollar coaster rides.

On the up side for the past week legacy has been contacting my references and doing a back ground check for possible hire...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! I won't hold me breath yet, but this is really exciting news, because in the next week or two I may be an official Legacy Mount Hood Medical Center employee. Knock on wood, and hope it comes true. *knocking*

I'm going to the doctor this wednesday to find out once and for all why I have been getting so dizzy. I think it's a stress thing, but I'll see what the doctor says.

Well, that's about it, now relaxation...and that foreign action called rest...zzz...zzz

Sad Good byes to a Good Friend

Yesterday, I was switching users to talk to Peter. Before i logged back on, my dog, Marley, was going bonkers in the garage. So, since I was the only one in the house that could really control him, I went in there to settle him down. Apparently Mom and Becky were in there trying to get some things out of the garage, but Marley wasn't to happy about that, and was trying to reach Becky, and Mom from his fence. I went in there to pull him back, just before he bit my neighbor, and when i did, he turned on me. In his agressive manner, he growled savagely at me, while he whipped his head around bitting down on my wrist. Now, this isn't the first time that this has happened, and i wouldn't have though twice about it. The thing is though, when he did it in the past, he stopped by the first bite. He bit down on my wrist five times. It was bruised by the time I stopped him. He was still growling at me after i stopped him. If it weren't for the way I was holding him, I would have been in the ER.

I was in shock after it happened. At that moment I knew what had to be done. Even though he had protected our house for his whole seven years, I had to put him down. I went to Dad's for a little bit after the incident, and he agreed with me. So today, we are taking him in.

This is really hard for me, and i cried my self to sleep last night. But I have to put my sister first, so Marley has to go.

He was a great dog, even though he wasn't perfect. He was my friend...

The Pain of Commitment
how I loath thee

Well, it looks like I get to update my "what I'm about" column. After last night I am officially single. I am already going through the steps of breaking up (grieving, anger depression, acceptance). I went through the anger and grieving stage when i was going out with him (knowing that it would all come to an end), so right now I am in the depression stage.

I can't eat with out getting sick, so my wieght is already plumetting, I get muscle cramps, shakes (which can some times become violent), and the horrible restless nights. Then there is also the vicious cold flashes, where no matter how hot the room is, you are freezing. I hate break ups. Last night I got about three hours of sleep. I woke up at about 5am, and couldn't get back to sleep. To make matters worse, all i dreamt about in my short amount of sleep was him.

I've talk to my aunt David about my reactions in break ups with people I am attached to. He said it was just my way of dealing with it, and that it is completely healthy. yeah... how 'bout no. Apparently it is a form of catharism (I think I spelled that horribly wrong). Well I survived this once before, so I can do it again.

At least my friends were with me every step of the way last night before it all went down. Diana called to check up on me, while Brad came over and calmed me down. I saw this coming for a while, so it wasn't a shock, and I braced my self for it. But if it weren't for my friends, this could have been a lot worse. I Diana told Brad to get me to bed before i made my self sick (though it was a little to late for that). Brad was very soothing to me, which is always nice to have. Thnx again.

As far as Patrick goes...

I am not angry at him. He never tried to avoid me, and he wasn't seeing some one else. It was all stress related. With everything that happened to him, and then school, and work, and then me worrying about him so he worries about me because I worry about him (because I care for him), it was all to much...for both of us. He just wasn't ready for a relation ship. I told him that if things changed, i was still here and still interested, I just needed more communication than what we had (not hearing from him for five days doesn't fly well with me).

Still, even with everything that's happened, I know our friend ship will not be in jeopardy. Things will just be the way they use to be, before we went out, except I got a friend out of the experience.

I have got to be one of the few people on this world that can be friends with their ex.s. I'm just weird that way :)